Hello there. It’s been quite a while since we had a real conversation. I missed that. Over the past few months, I felt that I was special. Someone that could be on your A-List of important people in your life. But I guess, I was wrong. Or maybe, here I am again, overthinking things and events between us.
I met you at an event last July of 2015. I wasn’t even paying attention on your existence. We talked, laughed and kid around during those days. Without even thinking that there will be another meet up. I didn’t expect you to add me on Facebook and messaged me. Of course you sent me a message, you needed something from me that time. After I provided what you needed, I have almost forgotten that we’ve met. Until we exchanged messages, friendly messages. It was purely nothing to me. I am used to being friends with boys, before, now and forever.
September came, and we had the chance to meet again. Another event. I had to make a decision that month, and I chose to be with you and the others. And I think I made the right decision, I may have lost some friends, but I gained something even better.
It happened so fast that I got used to your messages, your silly, but careful jokes, almost everyday updates. I shared you almost everything that happened to me and you almost did the same. Little by little, I fell. Without planning, without thinking, I just fell.
Remember when I said I got friendzoned? Men, it was you. But I needed to use another name to cover it up. I needed an alibi so I couldn’t ruin the friendship that we have. Every time you ask me how my lovelife is, my mind and my heart are fighting, whether to tell you how I feel. Gladly, my fear overcomes everything. I’m afraid of taking risk. I’m afraid of losing you. I’m afraid of not having you even as a friend while others can. So I keep this feeling hidden.
Because I am being a very good friend to you, you even tell me about your love life. I felt like a total masochist. While being tormented on how I feel for you, I also give you advices. On what you need to do. On what you need to say. I even told you to ask her to go to the movie or for a coffee.
I feel so stupid. But it doesn’t really matters to me. What’s important is that I like you, you’re special to me and I am willing to do anything that will make you happy. I will always be here for you. And you know that.
I know you won’t be reading this, but if you knew or find out, let me know. Talk to me. I just hope that we can still be friends.